53%

I think I'm starting to get carpal tunnel. I am definitely sleeping less than I am accustomed. I am currently trying to balance work responsibilities, a social life, One Act practice, writing a novel and playing Skyrim. Thank goodness it's Thanksgiving next week. I'm hoping to knock out the majority of the thing then and finish early because I know that the end of the six weeks' grading period is going to be mad.

Weirdly enough, my bf has started calling shopping carts 'buggies' and it makes me want to punch him. I hope he stops. They're shopping carts. Buggies are something you ride across sand dunes. Buggies are something you pull with a horse. You do not take a buggy with you as you go grocery shopping. They're also not trolleys or trams or whatever the heck other naming mockeries people have made for this simple shopping aid. Also, calling something a name that's different from what everyone else calls it does not make you look interesting and unique, it makes you look like a pretentious dolt. Don't say 'cheers' to end a phone call or in place of 'Thank you' unless you're from someplace that still has a king or queen.

That's just daft*.






*See what I did there? How do you like it? Hm? 

Ten percent!

I'm ten percent finished with my NaNoWriMo novel. I am amazed at my fantastic literary prowess as I write, the way my fingertips flash across the keys, the way the words stack up in regimented lines that suddenly become poetry--oh, who am I kidding. This novel will be worse than Twilight. But at least I'm working on it. I'm really determined to finish this month and become a "winner". Winning is important, or at least that's what I hear. And no, I'm not going to make any Charlie Sheen jokes, you people can do that for yourselves.

Lazy.

I miss you most in the morning.

 

I miss you most in the morning.
Most every morning, I wake up thinking I could call,
I could come visit, I could come running--
we could relive it.

But when I think of all that we've been through,
going back to you seems such a foolish thing to do.
I hope you know that even if I don't,
I wanted to.

All those words you said at the ending
were pretty revealing and I can't forget them.
All those ways we missed at connecting, despite all our trying,
it always came back to what I couldn't give you.

So when I think of starting up again or trying to be friends,
it seems impossible to do.
That even if we can't, I wanted to.

Who knows why two people perfectly aligned
should ever have to find themselves apart?
I'll never understand my heart.

I miss you most in the morning.
Most every morning, I wake up crying.

 

 

 

Even if I Don't.

Rachael Yamagata

Update.

Well, while it seems like forever since I've updated this, it appears to only have been a month and four days. Could have been worse. Things have been busy and with school starting back up, all I've been doing is working, grading and doing my best not to fall asleep too early in the evening. That hasn't always been successful, as last Monday's 13 hour night's sleep is evidence. But give me credit for trying people.

Today it was easy to stay up til now, because it was Labor Day and I didn't have to work. Also because I took a nap. Went hiking around the Fort Worth Nature Center and I really wanted to see a buffalo (bison? I don't know) but I didn't. I did see a prairie dog, which is not at all the same thing.

Also, notice how terribly brown and dry everything is. Texas has been suffering from the most ridiculous drought ever and basically everything is catching on fire. I was reading about the terrible fires around Austin, and I know that Possum Kingdom had another surge of fires last week and gosh, people. Just stop burning things already. Even little things.

But the weather today was fantastic. It was cool and I think that if it did make it over 90 degrees, it wasn't by much. It's sad that I'm excited by 90 degree weather, but after days and days of 105 and 108, 90 degrees is immeasurably more pleasant.

Also pleasant, my classes this year. I'm not going to get into much detail but I do feel like I will enjoy my second year of teaching. First years are always difficult, and I'm glad I didn't end up with a job over the summer because by the time that last bell rang in May, I felt like a mushy pulp that had just been poured from a blender. It's taken an entire summer of lazing around to get over it and I was still bracing myself that first day, waiting for that one class that I just knew would be the worst.class.ever. So far, I'm still waiting and even though it's only been two weeks, I'm holding out hope that the kids stay the way they've been so far.

My birthday is in a week, too, which I guess can be pleasant or not depending on how you look at it. While the idea of aging isn't terribly fun, at least I'm still under 30. Also, I feel like this year's birthday will be better than last year's, which was celebrated by splurging on pizza, because I was too poor to afford a real splurge. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do like pizza, but not as my sole birthday extravagance. The boyfriend's birthday is the day before mine, so we'll have a weekend of celebrating, and by celebrating, I mean probably watching Bizarre Foods on Netflix and making something yummy for dinner. And having cake. And eating it, too.

Yours are the sweetest eyes.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.
I'm not one of those who can easily hide.
I don't have much money, but boy if I did,
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do.
See I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue.
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean, 

yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

And you can tell everybody, this is your song.
It may be quite simple but now that is done
I hope you don't mind. 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
how wonderful life is now you're in the world.

If I was a sculptor but then again, no,
Or a girl who makes potions in a traveling show.
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do.
My gift is my song and this one's for you.

And you can tell everybody, this is your song.
It may be quite simple but now that is done
I hope you don't mind. 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
how wonderful life is now you're in the world.

So my trend of liking covers continues. This version is different enough, and I like Ellie Goulding's voice. It's sweet. Approachable. Kind of like how I wish I could sing if I could sing, but alas, I can't. 

In other news, I have exactly two weeks left of vacation, and then in-service begins. Tomorrow I'm not exactly free either, since I've signed up to attend a workshop given by the region. The good news is that attendance will count towards my comp days later in the year. The bad news is that it's in Azle and I have to drive 35 minutes to get there so I'll probably have to wake up super duper early. For the first time since May. Not counting the weekends where I go biking. But I don't really know how well getting up early helps in regards to cycling in the heat, considering it's so freaking hot here. It was 98 degrees at 10:00 this morning. This whole week, in fact, looks like it's going to be super hot, which is fantastic, since I'm moving at the end of it.

Yes, I get to move to my one-bedroom, after a whole year of having entirely too much space on my hands. I'm excited for the lower rent and to get away from the loud upstairs neighbors, since I'll become an upstairs neighbor myself, but it's supposed to be 108 on Thursday. 108! Or 106, depending on which weather source you use, but either way it makes me sad. Already. 

Went to Austin with the boyfriend, which was fun. I'm  tossing in some photos from there so that it looks like my summer vacation was entirely more eventful than it actually was. I'm not complaining, because I relaxed the heck out of myself and I'm pretty sure the next 10 months will get me all wound up again. Plus, I'm hoping for a lot of fun and exciting things to happen during this next school year. And then next summer... don't get me started on next summer! (It's going to be fantasmic!)

Life

I wish everyone in the world would live by one simple rule.


Don't be a jerk.


It's so easy!

Knees, knees.

Well my knees are shiny and newly fleshed, so the world is looking like a much better place these days. The boyfriend and I were hoping I'd be all patched up in time to make the Parker County Peach Pedal the Saturday after my fall, but Thursday was the last day to sign up and I wasn't sure if I would have made it and we decided to forget about it for this year. My knees were still pretty painful up until Friday night, and then they turned itchy. Soooo painfully itchy. I took off all remaining bandages right there and this past week they dried out and flaked and itched and this weekend I was back in the saddle and making another go at the Trinity River Trails.

After 13 miles or so, I got a flat tire.

It's beginning to appear that I'm not meant to get past the 13 mile mark on a bicycle.

Fortunately, the boyfriend had brought things to fix the flat. Unfortunately, he was out of CO2 to air the tire back up and he rode back to get his car and retrieve me while I began the lonely walk of shame towards the park. Several people rode by and asked if I was okay and I responded in the affirmative. Bicyclists are so nice! Then a man coming in the opposite direction rode over and fixed the flat right up. His name was Eugene and he had ridden for 56 miles so far. I was impressed. After the tire was fixed and aired up, I rode to the edge of the park and watched people toil up the incline to the path over the river. Hills, how I loathe thee.

Decidedly less independent.

Happy Fourth of July, peoples. Mine has been not so great. The amount of pain that has result from what is basically skinned knees has been phenomenal. It's like a sharp, shooting, stabbing, biting constant whenever I stand or sit or lay down for the amount of time it takes for my skin to grow accustomed to whichever way my knees are bending. Boyfriend calls it road rash. I say it's more like my knees are little heads that have been scalped. Except one knee was scalped twice, so maybe it was a conjoined twin or something.

The backstory is pretty simple. I'm clumsy as heck and we decided to go biking on the Trinity River Trails in Fort Worth. We had been there the week before and had a lovely time, going about 13 miles. This time, I decided we should try for 18 miles--9 there and 9 back. The first half was fantastic, though I do have a terribly difficult time going up ramps. On the way back, we had gone about... oh 3 or 4 miles when some people passed on the left. They let me know they were passing, but I still panicked and ended up going off the pavement. Now, this happened when we were alongside the river, the bank appeared steep and I started panicking some more. The people who were going to pass were yelling at me to stay off the concrete but all I could think of was the terrific splash I'd make when I fell into the river and decided, heck, I should go on the concrete. I did not make it, to say the least and have assorted injuries to show for my lapse in judgement. A bump and bruise on my head (though the helmet did the job it was made for and kept me from, you know, dying), some scrapes on my hip and shoulder, a few cuts on my hands, a scrape on my elbow, three giant scrapes on my knee--two on the left and one on the right and what is probably a bruised rib and what I believe is at least a cracked toe on my left foot. My neck has been sore, my side has been sore, it hurts to laugh or cough, and I walk with a limp.

But the worst has been the knees.

So far, Tegaderm, Johnson and Johnson Advanced Healing Bandages and nonstick gauze with plenty of Neosporin has been tried. The Tegaderm has been the most effective, but unfortunately, since the little skinless patches of flesh tend to leak constantly, the Tegaderm falls off. The Johnson and Johnson bandages were applied next and they soak up whatever it is that's oozing out of my bared flesh, but they also fall off easily. The nonstick gauze? NOT NONSTICK. I saw that one was peeling off and when I looked closer, saw that it was stuck to the wound it had explicitly promised not to stick to. I went ahead and took all the pads off and they had all stuck to my skin (or lack thereof). Pulling it off resulted in pulling off little bits and pieces. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

So right now I have made do with a combination of all three and will probably end up going to the store for something else tomorrow, which goes against my original plan to stay in bed all day and hope that my knees magically regrew skin by Tuesday. It's been two days, is that so much to ask?

Ow.

Cycling is dangerous, but people are kind. After I busted, I had a group of 5 or 6 people around me, trying to help. I broke my helmet in three places and have a bruise on my forehead.

Skein of skin is all too few to keep me from you.

Unable to sleep, due to upstairs neighbors stomping around as well as upstairs neighbor's dogs stomping around. I've had this song in my head all day since driving home and hearing it on the radio. Or rather, on the CD that I burned that I listen to so that's kind of like being on the radio? 

Anyway, I love love love the Decemberists. I got to see them in concert a few months ago, and hope to see them in concert again and again. Just like I like reading books over and over. And watching episodes of Spongebob Squarepants even though I've seen them maybe a dozen times already.

Can you blame me? Patrick Star is awesome. And that Gary... so wry.

Heart-carved tree trunk, Yankee bayonet, a sweetheart left behind
far from the hills of the sea-swelled Carolinas.
That's where my true love lies

Look for me when the sun-bright swallow sings upon the birch bough high.
But you are in the ground with the wolves and the weevils all a'chew upon your bones so dry.

But when the sun breaks to no more bullets in Battlecreek.
Then will you make a grave? For I will be home then. Then...

When I was a girl how the hills of Oconee made a seam to hem me in.
There at the fair when our eyes caught, careless, got my heart right pierced by a pin.

But oh, did you see all the dead of Manassas--all the bellies and the bones and the bile?
No, I lingered here with the blankets barren and my own belly big with child.


But when the sun breaks to no more bullets in Battlecreek.
Then will you make a grave? For I will be home then. Then...

Stems and bones and stone walls, too, could keep me from you.
Skein of skin is all too few to keep me from you

But oh, my love, though our bodies may be parted, though our skin may not touch skin.
Look for me with the sun-bright sparrow.
I will come on the breath of the wind.


Yankee Bayonet
Decemberists

Drama drama drama

I just finished watching episode 12 of 내게 거짓말을 해봐, also known as Lie to Me. I am a big fan of Korean dramas and have had pretty good luck so far in picking out good ones to watch. So now, in a burst of remembrance, I'm gonna go over my favorite dramas that I've watched. Not any that I haven't watched, because that would be weird, wouldn't it?

Watch Episode 12 of Lie to Me. Seriously! I tried embedding the player in the post, but ah. It didn't work. And I might have broken something.

The first drama I watched was My Lovely Sam Soon, which was a great way to get into the whole drama-watching field. It was short, only  16 episodes, which I find is ideal for me. If you go over 16 episodes, I start to lose interest, or the plot begins to resemble something closer to American Soap Operas, with someone falling off a cliff or slipping into a coma or something. Also, Sam Soon was fantastic because of Daniel Henney, who I love. He's my secret husband. (Please don't tell my boyfriend.)

After Sam Soon, I watched Spring Waltz, basically because it also had Daniel Henney in it. This one was a little too melodramatic for me, and also the fact that Daniel never gets the girl becomes irksome because... hello, have you seen him? How in the world could he not get the girl? Also, if I just spoiled the drama for you. Um. Sorry.

The drama watching period gets hazy here, probably because I saw a lot, or started to see a lot and then stopped. I think the next one that I watched all the way through was Boys Before Flowers. This drama was ridiculously popular, and I liked the fact that I could discuss what was happening with my students. This one fell prey to the "more is less" syndrome, and started to get a little ridiculous halfway through. I think the drama people realized that they were in the midst of a national phenomenon and decided to get as much out of it as possible. There were Boys Before Flowers things everywhere. And I do admit, I bought some F4 stickers. I excused it as a purchase for my students, but I did take the best stickers out first and put them in my organizer. I really liked Lee Min Ho in this, probably because he was tall, which resulted in me watching

Personal Preference, and yes, I realize that these are out of chronological order. They're not in the order of how I watched them either, but hey, it's cool, we can still be friends, right? ...right? I liked this drama, it was short, Son Ye Jin played a cute female character and Lee Min Ho remained tall. I can't stress enough the importance of the female character in the dramas. I mean, yeah, they're necessary because you can't really have a love story with just one guy. Well, you could but gross? But I digress. Geum Jan Di in Boys Before Flowers just got to be kind of annoying. Goo Hye Sun is adorable, but the way Jan Di was written eventually became really... not fun to watch. I don't much care for dramas that have contrived conflicts that could be easily remedied if one party talked to the other party. Personal Preference wasn't bad, and the story line was unusual because it dealt with *gasp* homosexuality which isn't such a common topic in Korea. As a friend told me, his adult student explained that they simply "don't have that here [in Korea]".

Which brings me to Coffee Prince, also unusual in that the female romantic lead dressed up (and looked) like a boy throughout most of the drama... and the male romantic lead fell in love with him. Her. Whatever. Yoon Eun Hye played the female lead well, and it was interesting to watch almost all of the male characters fall inexplicably for their "male" coworker, and then try to deal with what it meant. The writers never really answered what it meant. Maybe you're meant to fall in love with one personality, regardless of what that is housed in?

You're Beautiful also had the whole gender-bending phenomenon, and the whole straight man falling for another (seeming) man and questioning themselves. But this one is probably my favorite drama that I've watched. Park Shin Hye plays the female lead and her twin brother, and she was cute without getting too annoying, droopy, whatever. The male lead was Jang Geun Seok, and his character always wore eyeliner which was basically the hottest thing in the world. (Please don't tell my boyfriend.) The idea for the drama was there was a popular band led by Jang Geun Seok's character, but to add to their popularity, they brought another member into the group. Unbeknownst to the music label management, the additional member got a botched plastic surgery job and the man who recommended that brought in his twin sister to replace him until he could get the plastic surgery fixed. Fortunately, despite their gender differences, the twins looked and sounded exactly alike and the story goes on from there but I'm not going to get into it. The soundtrack for this drama was great and I may or may not (totally may) have favorited the last scene on youtube so that I could watch it whenever I wanted. Don't judge. You watch it, you're going to do the same thing.

Jang Geun Seok was also the male lead in Mary Stayed Out All Night, and he played a poor struggling musician who agreed to enter a fake marriage with a poor girl in order to keep her father from forcing her to marry his old friend's son. Moon Geun Young played the poor girl, and I really like her as an actress. Her voice is all raspy and cute. She was A Tale of Two Sisters, which was creepy but I watched it anyway.  I also always saw her on Mr. Pizza commercials. I liked Mr. Pizza. I also liked this drama a lot, too, though it did have several of those "Oh my gosh, talk to the other person already" instances, in which a lot of trouble (and probably several episodes) could have been avoided if someone would have just said something.



Moving on, Playful Kiss starred one of the actors from Boys Before Flowers. I actually watched it because it was recommended to me on Hulu, and I was so excited to see Korean dramas there that I started to watch it and got sucked in. Kim Hyun Joong was the spacy, perfect artist guy in Boys Before Flowers and he was kind of the same character here. The female lead was cute, she played her character well, but gosh, at this point I started to realize that there are way too many dramas with a perfect, rich man and an adorable but somehow flawed girl (she's usually poor, in this one she was dumb, too) that wins his heart through sheer persistence. Oh, and there's also going to usually be a boy that's consistently in love with the poor girl (though she never returns his feelings) and a perfect girl that the perfect boy wants before he decides to fall in love with the poor girl. Maybe these dramas are meant to give their audiences hope that they too will someday through sheer force of will cause a perfect, rich, handsome man to fall in love with them?


 Baker King, Kim Tak Gu did not have a perfect rich boy as the lead. Kim Tak Gu was cute but oh my gosh, so emotional. I started watching this with my mom on KBS last summer and then finished it online and every time Tak Gu cried (and oh my, did he cry a lot), I would get teary eyed. Or cry. When I told my mom about it, she said she did the same thing. This story was different, which is probably why I liked it. Tak Gu was poor, the female characters were poor-ish, the bad guy was rich but he wasn't really the bad guy except for the fact that he was totally awful and... well... you'd have to watch it to understand. Unfortunately, this sucker is long. 30 episodes. And it has a lot of those easy-to-fix conflicts that make you so annoyed because you're so tense but you can't stop watching anyway because you want everything to be okay and for Tak Gu to stop crying already. Gosh.

All of this leads me to the episode that I linked to in the beginning of this entry. So far, Lie to Me has been an enjoyable drama-watching experience. It's also got Yoon Eun Hye, but she's not a boy the whole time this time! She plays the hard-working, kind of quirky, down to earth girl and she lies about being married to a perfect rich guy. She never explicitly says she's married to Kang Ji Hwan's character, but people see them together and the rumor spreads and he finds out and gets mad and is going to sue her but she asks him to pretend to be married to her so that she can get revenge on her college friend who stole her first love and he finally agrees after some interference from his younger brother and then shenanigans ensue and I'm on episode 12. I don't know how it ends and if I did know, I wouldn't tell you anyway. So there. I like this drama so far because there isn't a super evil villain character, it's funny and Kang Ji Hwan's character basically gives me unrealistic expectations for boyfriendly behavior forever now. I realize the big cultural differences between Korean men and American men. And I would never ask my boyfriend to buy all the tickets to a concert I was organizing or to give up his own professional well-being in order to make me feel happy. But some of those other things aren't bad. Like asking your significant other to tell you about their day. Or surprising them at their home. Drinking bowls full of soju is optional. (You can totally tell my boyfriend some of this. Unless he's reading it himself. In which case... hi, honey.)

Anyway, there are several dramas that I'm leaving out. These are the ones that stuck with me so far, and most of them are really good. They're also valuable learning opportunities to be found in the viewing of these dramas. You can learn how to be a rich, snobby guy which will lead you to fall in love with a cute, persistent girl. You can learn how to say the equivalent of "You suck" in Korean. You can find scenes to look up and favorite on youtube so that you can watch them over and over again whenever you like. Or you can decide to do any of these things later and fall asleep because it's late and you're tired and it's been a long day. But you still have to watch at least one of these. You (or your girlfriend) will thank me for it after you decorate an entire park in tiny Christmas lights in order to apologize after a tiff with your significant other.

I could go anywhere with you.

I miss old Bright Eyes. I even miss folk-alternative-country Conor Oberst. I am not too enamored of 2011 Bright Eyes. Previously, if you had told me that a new Bright Eyes album was forthcoming and I wouldn't be listening to it within the first week, heck, the first day of release, I would have laughed and called you a liar. Bright Eyes was such a huge part of my life. I listened to almost the entire discography, on repeat, from... oh... 2004-2008. That was the music that got me through rocky breakups, rockier breakups, good days, bad days, job after job after job, fights and making up and, you know, life. I would listen driving home from work in Lubbock, and sitting around in my parent's dining room, and walking down the street to my apartment in Seoul. And now, as with everything else, it seems that I have moved on.

It does make me worry about the transient nature of the world. Well, not about the world, but about me. What if I'm fickle? I realize that change is a part of life, but it's weird. The people in high school that meant so much to me are barely a footnote in the annals* of my life. I've changed my favorite color three times, people. Three! I used to really dig blondes, but now am very much into brunettes. I formerly hated sour cream and now I think it's not so bad. Oh, and I have decided that, overall, Charles Dickens has a bad rep for being wordy, but he's a clever dude and I enjoy reading his books. That would have never been the case 10 years ago! What else has changed... I think I'm much less social than I was, but I like it. I enjoy going out and being active, and I'm still talkative, but I don't feel like I'm missing out if I'm not always around people. OH and I listen to NPR. A lot. And do crossword puzzles. Maybe it's just a natural part of getting old.

Summer vacation has been treating me well so far. I've settled the details on where I'll be living next year. The lease was up on my current place, but as it's a two bedroom and I'm only one person, I decided to go for something less... two-bedroom-y and settled upon a lovely one-bedroom apartment... across the street. I'll be moving after the first week in August, which will be exciting, since I am not going to try to get a rental car and am just going to take everything apart into pieces small enough to hopefully fit into my car. Did I mention I have a Ford Focus? They'll be REALLY small pieces. I don't have too much stuff so I don't think it'll take long.

I have read book upon book upon book. This evening I finished Scarlett, the sequel to Gone with the Wind. I've read both of the books before. I've actually read Gone with the Wind a lot. I always feel sad for Scarlett at the end, though, so I decided to re-read the sequel just to be able to remember the characters with a happy ending. I'm one of those people that like books to have a very in-depth denouement, so that the tension from the conflict of the story can be alleviated. I want at least a few chapters after the climax... and an epilogue. One that doesn't raise questions or introduce a new conflict for a new story. I guess that's childish, but I want to know the characters that I've spent so much time on have a happy ending and lasting peace. The lasting peace part is important, anyone can have a happy ending*, it just depends on how long that lasts.

Hmm, what else. My refrigerator broke and I got it fixed. I got my recommendation for my standard teaching certificate, which is awesome. I spent a lovely weekend with my boyfriend and we went cycling. I am kind of scared to go fast on a bike, since I realize that it's easy to fall and hard to grow new skin, but it was fun. This morning we went on the Trinity River trails in Fort Worth and I managed to go just over 13 miles. Of course, my legs are tired and my butt is sore now, but it was pretty worth it. The scenery was lovely, the company was grand, and best of all? I didn't fall down.

OH and then there's the baklava. We went to Chadra Mezza in Fort Worth and I had baklava, which I love. I've only eaten baklava a few times, so when the waiter at the restaurant asked us about dessert and mentioned that, I got really excited. The plate came with a few different kinds of baklava and a little bowl of ice cream. The ice cream tasted of nutmeg and cinnamon with a bite of cayenne at the end. It was probably the best food in the entire world. Or close.

 

Hmm. I went to the Amon Carter museum on Friday morning, too, with my coworker.  I hadn't really thought I'd like it much, but it was nice. I'm not a big fan of Western art, and there was a great deal of it, but there were also some interesting paintings and sculptures that were more my style. Also, I just like going to museums. They're usually pretty nice, air conditioned and free. Or cheap. I like free and cheap.

So I think that's it. I'm going to visit my parents this week and see the Rodeo Parade. My mom wants me to help at the public library's centennial celebration, which will probably amount to ladling punch or passing out cookies, but hey, as long as it's air conditioned. My standards for fun things to do lower considerably when it's triple digits heat outside.

*Oh grow up.

*Oh, grow up!

Awake.

It's so hard to go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable hour when there's nothing forcing me to get up in the morning, and nothing to prevent me from napping away the afternoon. I thought I did alright today, since I had left out the whole napping part. I was even feeling slightly lethargic a little after midnight. I thought that, for sure, once I crept under the covers, I would have no trouble falling asleep. But then I kept seeing flashes of light in the window, and once I realized that the rumbling I was hearing sporadically was thunder, well... then I had to get up and roll up my car windows. Then I decided to go ahead and take out the trash. And now I realize that I'm just not very tired. I'm not sure what to do about this. I could go back to bed and toss and turn and try to sleep. Or I could read a book. I could watch some TV on the internet. I could knit an afghan. I could paint a portrait. I could learn to tango. The possibilities are endless!

Gloom.

Today was not a great day. I think a lot of factors went into that. But there weren't enough good things that happened to alleviate the bad things and thus, by the laws of math, today = not good day.

Take that, people who say I am bad at math.

Also known as the world.

10:01 pm.
Just gave all my parent's animals a bath. One dog and two cats. If I'm going to have a rough day, at least three other entities will have one, too.

Solitary motion.

I am in my hometown. It's hot and I get to spend the week rummaging through my parent's stuff, scrounging up things to take back with me in hopes of trying to make life more comfortable.

It's pretty darn comfortable, though. I miss my apartment, even the way the upstairs neighbor plays obnoxiously loud country music at all hours while her two dogs run back and forth and back and forth.

Actually, I don't miss that at all.

I remembered that I don't really like driving for long distances. I wouldn't mind it so much if nothing would impede my forward progress, but unfortunately, that just doesn't happen. There are other cars out there, man. Other cars with other drivers who go different speeds from my own. I don't mind when people pass me, but I hate when I'm just about to pass another car and then someone else is in the passing lane going at a speed that just isn't fast enough to pass the first car quickly and then I have to slow down.

Reading that makes me realize that I am spoiled like whoa.




Other Lives--Tamer Animals

I heard this and another song, For 12, today on NPR's World Cafe. I really liked it, so I hope other people do, too.

I have doubted my decision to become a teacher previously, sure. I think that's pretty normal, for people to have second thoughts regarding decisions they make that will affect them forever. But this week, two things have made me realize that I probably did a pretty good thing, career wise.

Those two things are:

1. Seeing actual, physical proof that my work has had an effect on others. Clearly, I am not a teacher for money or fame or recognition. So recently, when I've been reminded that just the act of me going into work every day has actually changed some lives, it's been pretty fantastic. I was looking back at some videos from when I was in Korea and marveling over how well the kids could speak and it hit me... that I helped teach them that. Then again, I was looking at some work that some students did this year and I can't take much credit for it, but to think that I may have helped the kids gain an interest in some aspects of the English language (because I'm sick to death of hearing people say, "Why do we have to learn English? We can already talk it.") or to refine interest that was already there... well, that's pretty cool.

2. Summer vacation is awesome.

Awesome like learning to ride a bike.

Oh noooo

I am slowly becoming nocturnal.

Productivity

Today I:

Paid rent.
Got coffee.
Bought saline solution and an envelope.
Picked up a prescription.
Altered a dress.
Played Sims 3.
Read a book.
Watched a movie.
Washed dishes.
Made a tuna fish sandwich.
Checked the mail.
Chatted with my sister.
Talked to my boyfriend.

Summer vacation 10 years after high school is so way better.

Lessons learned:

Life is much easier if you own a can-opener.

Inconceivable!

It doesn't really seem possible, but it's official. Summer has begun and I'm out of work until the second week of August. Or it could be the third week, I'm not really sure, but I'm not certain that it matters at present, since I have two full months of rest and relaxation and any other activities that begin with the letter 'r'. Rhyming? Rapping. Speaking of rapping.

And speaking of the Cookie Monster. I like reading McSweeney's but haven't lately, though I will always remember enjoying this particular list.
Cookie Monster searches deep within himself and asks: "Is me really monster?"

Poor guy.

In other news, life is good. I'm so happy to be done with my first year of school and to still have a job. I'm excited about the next year, and am already planning on what I'll do better. I'm hoping to find a different apartment, but if I can't then I'll stay where I am with minimal grumbling. I'm working on my novel, which is a fancy way of saying that I'm writing a few pages or so every day. I'm going to take up some new hobbies, and read a lot and play Sims 3, which, by the way, I am unable to figure out how to start a garden and that's just ridiculous, but I will persevere! I'm going to visit my parents and read a lot of books. I cooked this weekend and it was delicious. I want to see the Old 97's perform at the Fort Worth Botanic Garden in June. I have a pretty fantastic boyfriend. I think Texas is way too hot. I need a new handbag but that can wait. Also, I want to go everywhere and do everything because life is good. I think I mentioned that. Oh well.


Good work, folks. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

Nothing is extinguished or forgotten.

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. 

If You Forget Me

Pablo Neruda

Darkness cannot drive out darkness.

 What I'm going to write about today has been and is being written about by scores of people.
This piece in the Huffington Post puts it better than I can. Read it for yourselves. Or not.

Psychology of Revenge

But here's my take on things.

So Osama Bin Laden has been found and killed in his little secret compound in Pakistan. I was up last night when twitter and facebook exploded with the news and I thought, "Okay."

I woke up this morning to raucous "Woo-hoo"ings from friends, acquaintances, strangers, television, students, newspapers. As the fakeapstylebook twitter account suggested, "This is one of the few times you'll be able to print swears on your front page without getting letters. Have fun! Slip a 'fuck' in there!" I mean, why not? It's not like anyone died.

Oh wait.

Now, I'm not arguing whether or not Bin Laden deserved to die. I'm not debating whether or not he was a good influence in the world, or if he should have been captured, or if he had redeeming qualities. I'm not doing that because I'm not suggesting tolerance for his actions. But I am advocating temperance in our responses.

I put a quote up from Martin Luther King, Jr. on my own facebook this afternoon. 

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Usually, I try to stay out of politics in public forums, due to my very active awareness of the fact that it usually just causes unpleasant discussions with people who disagree with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it if or when people disagree. I try to have a healthy respect for people's beliefs. I just realize that voicing what may be contentious opinions usually causes... well... contention. And drama. Especially on social networking sites. 

But today, I couldn't help myself, just as I hope I wouldn't be able to help myself from saying something if I saw someone in real life celebrating a death, whether it be the death of a murderer, or the death of a soldier, or the death of a child. Even if the child was super bad and always pulled puppy's tails and sprinkled salt on slugs.


Fortunately, I've seen enough of a mixed response that it doesn't make me feel like we've all reverted to savages who plan on eating our enemies' hearts to give us their strength. I listened on NPR to an interview of two family members that had been directly affected by some of Bin Laden's actions, and they weren't jubilant, they weren't excited, they weren't laughing. The first interviewee lost her husband in the US Embassy  bombing in 1998. The second interviewee had lost two sons, a police officer and a firefighter, in the World Trade Center. They might have been satisfied, but even then, it's a grim sort of satisfaction. No amount of killing can bring back a lost spouse or child, so why act like one person's death makes up for the irrevocable harm of his actions in life? 


In fact, the response that I'm writing against now reminds me of another, similar reaction that I read about when reading this obituary-ish article in the Wall Street journal. "Video later emerged of bin Laden laughing and chatting about 9/11 with associates in which he expressed amazement at the scale of the destruction."

Hm. Looks like hate really does multiply hate. 

Who more foolish than I?

O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer. That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

O Me! O Life!

Walt Whitman

Walt Whitman reminds me of Santa Claus* sometimes. I guess all old people with gigantic white beards tend to look the same. I told my Dad that he looked like Sam Beam once. He seemed really confused after that.

This week, we'll have TAKS testing. I get to monitor the kids for exams during three of the days. I am hoping that it'll be a good time for me to not assign homework and hopefully get some grading done in the evening. I had an unpleasant situation in the afternoon, but I think I handled it pretty well. I didn't shrink from the confrontation, which I was proud of. I think I tend to try to take too much of a conciliatory tone when dealing with unpleasant situations, and I think that people take that for weakness. Also, my ability to apologize. I will admit if I made a mistake. I have that ability, and I'm glad to have it. It is frustrating though, when people take that as a sign that I'm wrong and they're right. I'm usually a "everyone's a little wrong and everyone's a little right" kind of person anyway. Unless it comes to feelings, in which case I'm a "you might be right but it still hurts my feelings so let's fix it" kind of gal. I can get my feelings hurt easily.

Teaching has actually been good for me, in regards to that. During the first few months of the first semester of school, I would get honestly upset. I wanted to be the perfect teacher, and if I couldn't make everyone happy than I felt that I, in some way, was a failure. It took a lot of people convincing me otherwise to get that out of my head.. and I think that I've toughened up a lot in regards to it. I'm not saying that I like the negative circumstances that occasionally arise from my job, but it doesn't hurt me as a person anymore. 

But it does make me feel stressed. I think that there are a lot of things going on right now. The final six weeks is huge, and while I do have the weight of contract-renewal out of the way (phew), I still have grades, finals, TALENT SHOWS, student's parents, MY parents, my personal life, everything is kind of squeezing me until I feel like a battered tube of toothpaste. A tube of toothpaste that's been squeezed from the middle, too, not neatly rolled up from the bottom.

Poetic, huh? If I didn't have the summer to look forward to, I don't know what I would do. I like TEACHING. Some of the kids are absolutely fantastic, and I enjoy having the knowledge that they've benefited in some manner from being in my class. I guess that sounds conceited. I like the fact that I'm actually DOING SOMETHING, though, something that will change a person's life forever. Working in retail was horrible for me, because what was I doing with my time and energy? Helping people buy things they didn't need so that some store owners could get more money that they didn't necessarily deserve. I felt this way in Korea, too. Working isn't fun in most cases, but when I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something... well, then it's worth it.

But don't get me wrong, I am totally counting the days until the end of school. 21 full days of school, 3 half days of school, 1 holiday and then 1 in-service day. Plus they'll be taking TAKS and EOCs and then AP exams for the next few weeks, so it's going to be absolute madness. 

I get to go see the Decemberists on Friday. I'm pretty thrilled. I like knowing what I'm going to do each week, even if it's simply the knowledge that I won't be doing anything. And not doing anything can be fairly positive, as it means that I won't spend money and that's usually a good thing. But this weekend, I'll be doing things! And stuff! And... other things! 

It'll be madness.


*Haaaah, I put Santa Clause.

I'll be my own savior.

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables.

Gwyneth Paltrow tried her best on Glee, and she sings much better than I can, so she deserves plenty of credit. But Adele just has this richness of voice that makes her so much more appealing to listen to. I tend to avoid female singers that have quite a bit of range and who tend to use the depths and heights of their range frequently. Mostly because I like to sing along in the car* and it's hard for me to sing along to women with big voices. But I will admit that the current CD that's been jammed and is now stuck into my broken stereo has both her first and second albums on it. It gets me through the drives to and from work.

Speaking of work, I've got the date set for the Theatre Talent Show and it's going to be amazeballs. But holyjeebus, it is stressful. I've got so much to do organization-wise, and creation-wise, and homework-grading-wise that I'm not really sure what to do next.

That's actually a lie. I think I've been somewhat diligent at working my way through the mess that living the life of a schoolteacher has given me. Except for once a week or so (today, in this case), in which I take a break and goof off. It's good for my mental health. And I've had a lot of things to think about, so I think it's good for me to take plenty of care of my mental health. Also my physical health, because that's kind of important and ohmygosh this town is killing me with all the pollen and allergens and tiny flying saucers of disease floating about. It could be worse. I could be stuck worrying about wildfires and being evacuated. I am happy that I don't have to worry about my apartment burning down. What would I do with my TV? Or my bed? I like my bed. It's comfy. I like crawling into it at night and hanging my feet off the edge, which is a habit that I picked up when I was sleeping on a twin-sized bed in good old Munjeong Shiyoung, but which is certainly unnecessary now, seeing as I have a lovely queen-sized bed which is actually probably too big for me because it actually takes up almost the entirety of my bedroom and sometimes I think it would be nice to have... you know.. furniture in my bedroom but then I remember that I scarcely have furniture in my LIVING room and then everything's okay.

I've been back in Texas for over a year now, and everything seems so settled that it's kind of stifling. But then again, some things don't seem settled at all. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm about to make other things all topsy-turvy. I wonder if there's a certain percentage of chaos that's required to be present in everyone's life? I think I'm at around 15%...which is pretty darn good, if you ask me. I'm sure some people operate better under a higher percentage, and I'm sure we all want a lower percentage. Maybe 25% is the norm, or the number we should all shoot for. In which case, I've got to do something just plain wacky to get my numbers up.

I'll start making lists right now.



*Except now sometimes all I do is listen to NPR for DAYS and it's starting to get weird because I like it, and I think it helps me drive better because I'm less preoccupied by wishing I had a better singing voice.

Photossss

16-Mogi during Spring Break

17-Sunset over Weatherford

18-Following the bus. Again.

19-Gone to Ikea

20-Tiger at the Fort Worth Zoo

21-Japanese Garden Spring Festival

For the record, it took me FOR EVER to get these photos semi-lined up in a manner that would not cause me to lose sleep at night. I'm not really that ocd, but sometimes I wonder.

Um... aspects.

So I decided that New Year's Resolutions were dumb! And lame! And I promptly defenestrated mine in favor of simple goals. I will still run 500 miles! I just have more time to do it. And since I ran 2 more miles today, that leaves... um... 480 to go.

Yes, I slacked off. But in my defense, things got NUTS over here, ya'll. Apparently cold air and I don't get along, plus bouts of allergy attacks, plus play practice every night and some ENTIRE DAYS spent getting ready to perform a 45 minute show, plus, you know, saving the world and orphans and little lost kittens.... running kind of fell to the wayside. As did the cookery. And the photography. I'll pick up the photo-taking again, but I'll just try to hit the magic number of 365, the time limit is again out the window. The cooking thing? Yeah, it's just not going to happen right now. I will at some point become more interested in cooking. Just not right now.

In other news, teaching is going to be the death of me. I am tired of certain... um... aspects. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy teaching. I especially like seeing my students improve in their understanding and use of the English language. Some of them have made incredible amounts of progress in just the few months that I've taught them and that is unbelievably rewarding. It's just the other... um... aspects that sort of bug me. Particularly because they're... um... aspects that I was pretty far removed from when I was teaching overseas. Those... um... aspects didn't really bug me then, and they didn't really bug me for the first semester of this year, but this grading period has been rife with drama and I'm certainly losing my patience in trying to deal with it all. I see why teachers get such a long summer vacation because I'm anticipating having the chance to unwind. Two months of not feeling attacked, provoked or belittled by certain... um.. aspects of my job? It'll be just what I need to ready myself for the next onslaught.

It's a battlefield, my dears.

On another note, gasoline prices have gotten me way the heck down, man.

I shouldn't run so close to bedtime because then I lose my staying-tired momentum.

I have eight hundred billion plans I'm making for this week, this month, this summer, this next school year. Computerized lesson plans! Detailed project descriptions! Reworking the order in which I assign certain things! A winter drama production! Everyone assures me that the first year of teaching is the most difficult, so I'm hoping with my new and improved methodologyisms, I'll make the second year smooth like butter.

Like butter, people!

Tuesdays, on the other hand...

Are quite alright.

I got love on my side
I got love on my side
I don't want to be blue
So I'll stay true to you
I got love on my side

Well I got down on one knee
And I told ya
That I'd give you my life in this world
Yeah we're all gonna get old and buried in a hole
But my mortal love I give to you

I got love songs
I got songs that make you cry
I got all the things a man can need
I got to see life with two eyes
Yes I got all this love on my side

Well a man can get beaten down
And walk around with a scar
But if he tries to heal
And would never hurt a soul
Please give him the strength of your hand

I got love songs
I got songs that make you cry
I got all the things a man can need
I got to see life with two eyes
Yes I got all this love on my side

Well one day I felt your hand a slippin'
And I felt an unease in your heart
Then the winter killed the spring
And it took your love from me
And your brown eyes they flew to the dark

I got love songs
I got songs that make you cry
I got all the things a man can need
I got to see life with two eyes
You told me that our love
That it was not enough
I'd never heard someone say love was not enough
No, I'd never heard someone say love was not enough

Love on my Side

Lost in the Trees

It tolls for thee.

Mondays are hard.



Not because of the whole "Five more days 'til the weekend" sort of thing. Don't get me wrong, weekends are lovely and appreciated, but Mondays represent more than that. They're a return to reality, to care and concern and strife.

In short, Mondays are a bummer.

I like the weekend because I don't have to think about anything that even remotely resembles responsibility. I can sleep late and play around and not do anything or do everything. But then Monday comes around and I have to start wondering if I paid the utilities bill, or when the heck is my school going to give me my contract, or how many papers I have left to grade. Then I start worrying about the state of the laundry in my closet, whether or not I have enough clean items, whether or not I should be saving money for a washer and dryer, whether or not I should just give it all up and go live on a hut on the beach... Then I start questioning life and my place in it and whether or not I'm making myself happy or if I'm even giving myself the opportunity to make myself happy, or whether it's ultimately a makeshift sort of happiness anyway and thus not worth concern and then I worry that I worry too much.

I'm at that point now.

I do worry too much, but you know what? It's kind of what I do. It's my thing. My schtick. And what the heck is a schtick anyway and why do I know how to spell it? I guess I always knew the basis of what 'schtick' means, but then, just in case the knowledge may be necessary in the future, I looked it up. And now I know. I had to do that today with antimetabole today, too. I'm going to become a repository for useless word definitions by the time I'm 50.

So yes, today I worried a lot. About everything, my job, my apartment, the next year, the year after that. Specifically... When will I get my contract? What happens if I don't get one? Where will I work? Am I happy in my career? Am I happy in my life? What do people want from me? What do I want from other people? What am I willing to accept, and what am I going to take a stand on? Who invented those microwaveable steamer veggie bags? Because they are fantastic? That's not really question, but will anyone notice? John Donne said that no man is an island, but can a woman be a peninsula? I wouldn't mind being a peninsula, insular yet narrowly connected. By an isthmus!

I'm

Tiiiiired.

Still waiting for my contract.

Ready for the end of school.

Kind of smitten.

Happy that One-Act is still advancing.

Ridiculously behind on grading.

Reading Great Expectations.

Possessing great expectations.

Counting down the days 'til I see the Decemberists! (31)

Going to see opening night of A Chorus Line tomorrow.

Overworked.

Running low on clean laundry.

Running low on quarters.

In love with this song.



Going to sleep.

=]

Because of that I'm not scared at all.

I can't sleep because I keep hearing my pulse beating in my ear. It's been happening since about 11:00 this morning, and it's only managed to not be a problem when a) I'm listening to music with earphones in or b) when I'm on the phone.

So it's basically been a problem all day.

Especially now.

Because I would like to sleep.

I even tried meditating.

It did not work.

I guess instead, I will write here about stuff. And things. In general. Here we go.

I'm less stressed about the job situation, now that the superintendent said at a district meeting that he didn't expect to have to let any teachers go. But the way he said it was that he didn't expect to have to reduce the work force because the people already leaving would just have their classes absorbed into the current staff. But then that begged the question of who he is counting on already leaving, because technically, since I'm only on a 1-year contract, I'm already leaving. Thinking about that technicality gives me the shivers, and I hate that my brain works out the most haphazard and sometimes irrational way to the worst-case-scenario. I'll find out either next week, or the week after that at the latest. I'm at the point now, though, where... either way, I just want to find out. I'm tired of worrying about it, because there are so many other things to worry about it, and this whole employment situation is taking up more than its fair share. My other neuroses are getting jealous.

I'm having a difficult time adjusting my expectations to reality. It's actually a strange boat to be in... because.. well. I'm a pessimist. But also an optimist? I'm the most positively negative person that I know. I have these quixotic ideas in my head about people, and intents, and actions, and I want everything to be right. I get frustrated when people are unkind or careless or just plain mean. but then I figure that, for the most part, those terrible characteristics are intrinsic in everybody. I think I have a hard time remembering that... most people are not like me, and they're not going to value what I value or abhor what I abhor. But mostly that they're not going to react like I'm going to react, or if they do, it won't be for the same underlying reasons.

I guess I figure that life is a struggle to overcome our inherent weaknesses. Yeah, that's totally it. It sounds good, at least. It's not something that I gave much thought to until I was overseas, but... maybe living in such an unfamiliar situation taught me the value of a little bit of kindness. It was a lesson I preached often to my kindergarteners, if only by simply saying, "Be kind to your friends" after one of them did something mean. And they would inevitably walk over to whoever it was, rub their shoulder, and say, "Sorry."

Speaking of kindness, I was talking to my friend this evening. He had lived in Japan for several years and has been keeping up with the news regarding the nuclear reactors and tsunami and earthquake relief as avidly as I have. And we both agreed that it was a horrible situation. I mean, it would be a horrible situation regardless, but Japanese people are so nice. I visited Osaka and then Tokyo a while later, and even during my brief time there, I was so impressed by how kind everyone was. People always tried to help us. If I or any of my friends stared too long at a subway map, someone would inevitably come up and ask if we needed help. There wasn't any marked avoidance, or surreptitious sidelong glances, even though we were a big group of foreigners speaking in a different language. Most of the places I traveled to were filled with friendly people, but it was that much more noticeable in Japan.

I do wonder when I'll be able to travel again. My feet are getting itchy just thinking about it. Is that the proper phrase for it? Itchy feet? (If it wasn't; it is now. I can do that because I'm an English teacher.) It's been almost a year since I came back from Seoul. I guess I did go to New Orleans in May. And since moving up here, I have been exploring the DFW area pretty enthusiastically. But I miss the excitement of taking trips. Plane reservations, hotel reservations, planning on where to go and how to go, and trying to figure out how to say "Hello" and "Thank you" in a way that isn't unintentionally hilarious.
Don't get me wrong, I want to travel through the U.S., too, where I have the advantage of a car with a navigational system and already-acquired knowledge of how to say "Hello" and "Thank you". But... Italy! Greece! Thailand! Egypt! (Once there's.. you know.. less civil unrest) France! Brazil! South Africa! China! Hell, I'd even go to Canada. But I won't use an exclamation point.
I blame Spring Break. The very words invoke images of sunny, distant places. My sunny, distant place looks like it'll be Carrollton, since I'll be escorting my mom and sister there for some Korean food shopping.

I should probably try to sleep now.

But first!

For your listening enjoyment:



I do love me some Rachael Yamagata.

To tell you I'm thinking of you

I'd call you now to tell you I'm thinking of you

But it does me no good when the phone is just blocking my view

And I would sail back to you

And I would sail back to you

And I would come back and admit that it wasn't your fault

But I'm tired and unwilling to be the only one who was wrong

And I would sail back to you

And I would sail back to you

And I would sail back to you

I'll be sailing on your deep blue eyes...

The song is completely unrelated to anything going on in my life EXCEPT for my newly found appreciation for Damien Jurado.  Please disregard the video attached to the song, as I'm not sure what it's supposed to be doing. And yes, the song was on the latest episode of House, BUT I think that's more of a signal that I'm supposed to enjoy the music more rather than less. I am not a disdainful nonconformist who hates the masses that appreciate a song after hearing it on a TV show. Now, if it were a book, it would be a different matter. 

Life has been exciting lately? If by exciting, I mean stressful. Which I do. I have only recently barely gotten somewhat caught up on the mass of papers awaiting the right side of a red pen* that are piled on my desk at work. I have finished my giant-white-suburban-of-doom driving for two more weeks. Driving through Dallas was not fun. I spent a lot of time hunched over the steering wheel and muttering, "Ohhh, scary. Scary." Especially every time an 18-wheeler came up alongside me. I really hate 18-wheelers. They're just so... wheely. And loud. And gigantic. And scary. Did I mention scary? They're scary.

On the plus side, I didn't hit anything**!

I will admit, however, that I enjoyed driving the suburban simply because it has a working stereo. My own has been non-functional for about 3 weeks now and while I am fairly certain that the problem is an easy fix, I lack the ability to fix it. So I enjoyed hearing something while I drove that was not the sound of the road. Like the dork that I am, I listened to NPR for almost the entire time. They were debating the effects of increasing class sizes on the Diane Rehm show, and talking about how teachers throughout various states are being vilified due to the whole budget crisis. Now I realize that my opinion is directly affected by the fact that... I am a teacher. 

Also, I was going to go into alot of detail on this subject, as it's one that is affecting me greatly. 

But it will have to wait for another day.

*The write side of a red pen? Tee hee. 

**95% sure.  

Counting

Spring Break Spring Break Spring Break Spring Break.

Five days five days five days five days.

=/

I have run the gamut of emotions in the past few weeks, from elated to irritated to...magistrated? I don't know.

ELA exit level TAKS is tomorrow. I have to drive a giant suburban to Dennison, TX on Thursday. Denison? I have no idea where I'm going when I drive the giant suburban, I just follow the bus. I do know that to get there, we have to be at the school at 5:00 am. Which means I will have to be out of my apartment by 4:35 am. Which means that I have to be up by AT LEAST 4:15 am. I feel like I should go to sleep RIGHT NOW to prepare for it.

I am pretty tired. That might be a good idea.

The pile of papers there for me to grade has been multiplying when I wasn't looking, I'm pretty sure. There's no other explanation as to how I can grade and grade and mark and mark and still have piles of papers that haven't seen the right side of a red pen at all. I even went to work early today! Earlier than I normally go, and I normally go pretty early! I need a paper-grading robot. Named Rhett. Miller.

February Through the Years

2011

2010

2010

2009

2009

2008

2008

Happy Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Brownies!

Well, I'm a day early. That's alright though, because tomorrow I'll be so busy grading papers that I won't have time to write anything.

I kind of have an interesting perception of Valentine's Day. I realize that it's popular to hate the holiday, the artifice, the superficiality, the rampant consumerism, blah blah. I should be calling it "Single's Awareness Day" and throwing Anti-Valentine's parties wherein I smash heart shaped piñatas with spikey baseball bats. What are they called? Oh yeah, maces.

But you know what?

I'm not.

Because you know what else?

I like Valentine's Day.

If it really comes down to it, it's not about giving or receiving cards, or flowers, or chocolate or whatever. It's not about feeling pressured to show someone you care. It's not even about taking some ancient martyr's memory and twisting it into a day that doesn't really have much to do with the guy who got killed in the first place. I like Valentine's day because it's just about appreciating someone else, and having the excuse to show them that. I can tell people I love them all day long, but usually they look at me like I'm weird and keep walking. But if I do it on Valentine's Day! Well.. they'll probably look at me like I'm weird and keep walking. Unless they're people that I know. Then the chances of them loving me back are significantly higher. Unless they're my arch nemeses. My arch nemeses might love me back anyway, though, because I'm a pretty good rival... I'm getting off the point, though.

When it all comes down to it, the Beatles were right. All you need is love.


And brownies.