Resolved:

It feels like I'm submitting a proposal to the United Nations when I think about resolutions. I am not normally into the entire idea because honestly, I never follow through with them and I don't know anybody that does. Besides, it seems very strange to think that I'm going to have a start and end to doing something different in my life. This year, I will be a better person, but the year after that? I am going to regress, baby. Plus, resolutions always tend to be so vague, which I was actually reading on CNN (yes, I'm a dweeb) about how you are supposed to set specific goals so as to avoid breaking New Year Resolutions. So instead of saying that you'll be a better person you're supposed to... I don't know... walk old ladies across the street at least twice a month? Or something, I don't know and that's why I haven't set any sort of resolutions for the past several years.*

However, this year is going to be different.

Actually, it's probably not, but it's kind of going to be different because I'm going to try something? And they're not going to be resolutions, they are going to be non-resolutions. Ready?
 Here we go.

For 2011, I hereby non-resolve to engage in the following practices... activities? Projects. Sure. Projects.

One of them I got halfway through in 2009, which was to take a photo a day for 365 days. I actually liked that one and ended up taking some very interesting pictures of things inside my apartment since I'd forget to take my camera and then put it off until the last minute and just half-ass it with a pic of something. That's probably what I'm going to end up doing this year, too. At least half of the time. Be prepared. It will be exciting.

The second one? I'm not sure of the exact details about. Once I have that sorted, though, I will inform the world through an interpretive song and dance.

Or just through another update...


*Unless you count my default resolution that I stole from my friend Joe, which is to quit smoking. Since I don't smoke, I'm already ahead of the game! Yes, this is probably cheating.

It ain't love until it's over.

Okay, Christmas is over, I'm back at my apartment, listening to the baby crying next door and the dog running around upstairs while a guy yells "Knock it off" at it.

Life is good?

I'm also savoring the last quarter of my Christmas holiday. Today I am going to be productive as hell, that's my intention at least, and I've already started... kind of? I'm dying my hair, if that counts as being productive. I mean, it should count, since it's something that I've intended to do and haven't done it. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean much... if you count having great hair as something that doesn't mean much, which I don't personally, but I realize that it's a big world out there and probably lots of people think differently than I do.

Most people.

I'm not really sure what else a productive day entails. I'll clean my apartment, I guess, and finish cleaning my car. I started cleaning my car yesterday but ran out of inclination. That sounds bad. I should make up a good excuse for why I stopped cleaning my car.

Okay, I was cleaning my car yesterday when all of a sudden I got a text message from a mysterious number that I'd never seen before. The text message said, "I'm watching you and I like your sweater." I looked around but couldn't see anyone so I decided that it was too creepy and went back inside.

How's that? It sounds much better. We'll go with that one.

I think it must sound really mundane and boring, my life, at this point. And I'll tell you what. It kind of is. But the funny thing is that I like it? It's calm and relaxing and I'm going to appreciate it while I can. And meditate. Or something.

This song never gets old.

Though, being the purist that I am, I still sing "wingtip shoes" rather than "Converse shoes".
It just sounds better that way.

Ennui, pt 2.

Well, I vacuumed.

Ennui.

I guess I can vacuum.

Jubilation!

I am... I'm not sure what word to use for it. Ridiculously excited? Thrilled beyond measure? Happy as a clam in a bed of mud? Are clams happy in mud? I am not sure. Sand? It doesn't really matter.

I got my scores back for my teaching certification course, and I am a-okay with the world! This semester I'd had to write paper on paper for that course, all in the name of being gainfully employed in the future and I'll admit.. I procrastinated.

A lot.

But! Wonder of wonders, I got (um.. the majority of) the work turned in and it was enough! I passed! Plus, next semester I don't have to worry about writing papers or anything of the sort, I just get to have my observer-person-dude come in and watch me a few times. Do you know what this means? The enormity of this situation? The hard part is over! I am practically free! Until I choose to try to get my master's, which, let's face it... might happen. Maybe.

Anyway, in celebration, I am enclosing a picture of my (now my mom's--she's a thief) pet cat, when he was a cute little baby kitten that played and played for hours until I had to force him to leave the room because, gosh, I was trying to sleep and a girl needs her sleep, you know?

Cheers,

Me.

When you're nothing; you're still something.

Another update? I think I'm managing one per day this week. Madness!

To be fair (and I do try my best to be fair... to myself), I have had more free time this week than I've had since starting to work. My homework for my certification class has been submitted, play practice is on hiatus for the month and since it's the end of the semester, all my papers have been graded and the grades have been submitted. Tomorrow and Friday are half days, you guys! I am getting my hair cut tomorrow, after 8 months of not cutting it! I'm not too excited, though, considering I spent the past three years getting my hair cut by the ninja guy in the shop down from good old Munjeong Shiyoung. I miss my hair ninja. So we'll see how tomorrow goes. If it goes badly, I just won't ever get my hair cut again. Or at least, not until I go back to Seoul for a visit.

So, yes. Free time. Lots of it. Today in class I listened to my podcasts. The Heligoats was on NPR and it was awesome. But don't take my word for it. Listen for yourself. Otepka's stories are quirky and charming. It makes me miss my guitar, but I don't know why because I can only play my 2.75 songs, but maybe.. if I had it now... I would be able to play 3.75 songs. Or something.

Anyway, I am decidedly lacking in Christmas spirit. Haven't done a bit of shopping. My apartment looks the same. I wore a short-sleeved shirt to work today and didn't have to wear my coat as I went home? Texas is not conducive to Christmas, you guys.
But! I do have some decorations in my classroom. Hardly anything, really. But more than nothing?

And I received some gifts from my students. Nothing like my Teacher's Day loot from my kindergarten students, but these are high schoolers, and we are in the United States, so I was excited about my Starbucks gift card. I mean, super excited. Plus, hot chocolate in a snowman mug! And the reindeer bag has candy inside it. It made me happy.
I think I just like gifts. Small stuff, big stuff, doesn't really matter. I like everything. I like giving gifts, too, which makes it really weird that I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet? Except maybe not, because I am saving up for next semester's tuition, plus I do want to go overseas during summer vacation, and geez, that's going to cost a lot, too. I wonder if my family would be mad if I made them sculptures out of play-dough for Christmas?

So I decorated my whiteboard with the Christmas cards that I was receiving. I honestly don't ever know what to do with Christmas cards, so taping them to my whiteboard seemed like a good plan. Then I decorated my calendar. Can you see how well I was managing my time, here? I also think I did three crossword puzzles today. I'm turning into a crossword puzzle savant, folks, it's amazing. I should get a badge or something.
At the very least, a handshake and a pat on the back?

I don't know where it's likely to go better.

I'd like to get away from earth awhile
and then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
and half grant what I wish and snatch me away
not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
and climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
but dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

from Birches
Robert Frost

Chaaaaaat.

me:  Oh you are cooking dinner.

 Sent at 8:50 PM on Monday

 me:  I will talk until you get back

My tea is steeping anyway.

And then, either two things will happen. Or maybe both. 1 is that you will keep hearing beeping noises from the chat notifications while you are trying to cook and curiosity will drive you mad

And/or 2 is that you will come back and be really confused and have to scroll up to see what the heck was going on.

Both of these are equally satisfying to me. So I will continue.

Um. I am sad because I don't have milk, because I can't actually use up all the milk before the expiration date.

And Wal-Mart doesn't sell the really small quarts (are they quarts? no pints. No.. amounts) of milk like they did in Korea. So I have to buy the size that isn't the gallon but is smaller than the gallon (?) and I just don't consume that much milk.

It's a sad situation. Because a little milk in my English Breakfast Tea would be ideal.

And... hm. It's cold in my apartment.

I'm thinking about going back to Korea, but just for a year.

And that's only if my school chooses not to renew my contract. I'm not sure if that's going to happen.

My job got a lot easier since they stopped allowing the [edited because I'm paranoid!] into my class. So I feel like I'm doing better. But I have no idea how the next five months are going to go.

So, if they don't renew me, or if the worst scenario happens and I don't get my certification this year because I sucked at doing my homework... maybe I'll move back to Seoul to teach.

That's kind of a scary prospect, but honestly, I have no idea what I want to do for the next 50 or so years until I finally keel over. So I guess that's as good as anything? And if I teach lots of privates then I can save lots of money and travel a lot?

Then my retirement would suck, though.

But who the hell knows? I mean, I could die by the time I'm 45. I should have fun now.

Maybe that's being irresponsible.

And then my friend came back so I had to end my little monologue there. I like talking to people and having them not respond.

Wait, maybe I put that the wrong way. I like the idea of getting my thoughts out completely. I do enjoy having conversations with people, and I think I'm a pretty good listener, but I also like the kind of, "Are you there, God?" Margaret type letters that I'm totally not emulating here, because I'm just kind of rambling and not telling a story at all, but do you see where I am getting at?

No?

I am not posting the next segment of conversation in which I ramble on forever because it places me in a bad light.

Well, a worse light than usual. 

But I am going to say that I was late for work today because my phone battery died in the middle of the night and I KNEW there was a REASON why I hated using my phone for an alarm clock rather than my actual alarm clock, and there it is. I woke up at 7:54 and got to work at 8:23. I was supposed to be at work at 7:40, and my first class starts at 8:00, so I missed half of it. But you people should be impressed. My drive to work is usually about 18 minutes long. That means.. I got ready for work... in less than 10 minutes. And I mean, READY FOR WORK. I looked put together today, people, not at all like I had just rolled out of bed. It was impressive, if I do say so myself.

Drama!

I bet you thought I was going to talk about gossiping and causing trouble and making life difficult, like some people are fond of doing.

Well, I'm not. My life is fairly drama-free at the moment. Well, at least by that definition of the word. If you want to use drama as a term for theater production, then my life is fairly full of it, since I teach it twice a day five days a week. Also, my life is fairly full of it if you take use the term as one for short Korean television series.

Which I am.

So last week I finished watching 장난스런 키스. Sixteen episodes. I watched one a day for about.. um.. 16 days*. It was cute and surprisingly lacking in all the big emotional moments that most dramas have. No one died. The female antagonist wasn't evil, she didn't seem even that unsympathetic. Everyone got a happy ending. The main male character got a horrible perm halfway through and that made me sad. Anyway, I liked it.

I don't really understand the perm on boys. On girls, yeah. I tried it. It personally did not work for me, but I can see the appeal. For boys? No.

Now I have to find another one to watch. I think Daniel Henney was in one that ended recently, so it's probably online. Except I think it's a spy/thriller/action drama, and I find those way less fun. Because I'm not a boy. But then again... it's Daniel Henney. You can see my dilemma here. Plus, the chances of him getting a perm anywhere at anytime seem slim indeed. Reassuringly so.

The semester ends this week. My first semester of school-teacher-ing. I don't feel very school teacher-y, even considering that I went to the coffee shop this afternoon and spent three hours (!) grading.
This week will consist of three normal days (one of which is my Library day, and you are mistaken if you think I'm not going to take my students to the Library. Very mistaken. Ridiculously so.) and then two exam days where we have early releases. It's going to be tremendous.

Then? Then two weeks of unadulterated bliss. Christmas vacation. I could get used to this whole teacher thing, especially when it means I get two weeks of holiday when I used to get three days overseas. I will need to consider what I plan on doing with my time, since going to visit my parents can only take so long.

I will make a list.

Not now, though. I'm tired. 


*I am good at math.

Liveblogging: Gingerbread 2010

6:49 pm: I have popped the first batch of twelve semi-circular-ish cookies into the preheated oven. The oven is super preheated because I ran into some.. ah.. issues in the cookie dough preparation stage. Namely, the fact that I don't have any flour to prevent the cookie dough from sticking to.. um.. everything.

Also, I broke the rolling pin. Let's see how these monstrosities come out in... 6 more minutes.



6:55: I somehow managed to cut my thumb? What the heck? Don't worry, it's not bleeding. Repeat: it is not bleeding. The cookies are safe.

7:02: Second batch is a go. I am like a well-oiled machine, zooming my way through makeshift cookie cutters and wooden spoons.

7:10: Third batch is in, second is out. Upstairs neighbors were fighting but seem to have stopped. the delicious smell of Christmas wafting up through the floorboards must have quieted them.



7:13: Nope, I was wrong, they're still fighting. And stomping!

7:21: Fourth batch is in, the cookies haphazardly slung across the baking tin where once they were lined up with military-like precision.

7:29(ish?): I lost track of when I put the fifth group in, but they're there, toasting. Sacrificially.

7:36: Sixth and second to last group is in! I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it looks like cinnamon and spice and everything that's adequate for Christmas cheer.

7:39: Burnt my thumb. Baking is dangerous, people.

7:45: Very last cookie is in. Made it out of the very last remnants of dough. It's probably going to taste the best. That's kind of life.

7:47: Decorating time. All right.

8:03: I am tired of decorating. Also, of cookies.



8:19: I never thought I would see the day. Or the hour, maybe? But I have! I am finished! Done! I left some cookies undecorated for those health nuts. Other than that, here they are.

They're like an army.

Explanations

Do I really need one? I just really like the Cure somedays, and I can't really tell what Robert Smith is saying mostdays so having the lyrics helps me out there. It might help you out there, too. Don't judge.

My weekend went way too quickly, and it was busy, and I forgot how much I sometimes dislike having busy weekends. I guess I hadn't experienced enough of them lately to remember, but once I did, it was like an immediate visceral reaction, and suddenly all I could think was, "Man, I just want to stay home." Not that I wasn't having fun, because I was, I don't know what comes over me sometimes. I probably just like to complain. Or maybe since it's getting cold, I'm entering hibernation mode, even though it's not half as cold as it was in Korea?



It's getting cold, though, without a doubt. And there are Christmas lights, and Christmas trees, and the other day I bought gingerbread cookie mix, though I'm not really sure why because I lack all kitchen utensils necessary for creating gingerbread cookies. Except, maybe a bowl. I guess it's for the future, when I someday own more kitchen utensils, and feel like eating gingerbread men.

Gingerbread men are pretty awesome, though.

The way the blue could pull me in.

Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you say
I just can't stay here every yesterday
Like keep on acting out the same
The way we act out
Every way to smile
Forget
And make-believe we never needed
Any more than this
Any more than this

Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you do
I know I'll never really get inside of you
To make your eyes catch fire
The way they should
The way the blue could pull me in
If they only would
If they only would
At least I'd lose this sense of sensing something else
That hides away
From me and you
There're worlds to part
With aching looks and breaking hearts
And all the prayers your hands can make
Oh I just take as much as you can throw
And then throw it all away
Oh I throw it all away
Like throwing faces at the sky
Like throwing arms round
Yesterday
I stood and stared
Wide-eyed in front of you
And the face I saw looked back
The way I wanted to
But I just can't hold my tears away
The way you do

Elise believe I never wanted this
I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises
I thought you were the girl I always dreamed about
But I let the dream go
And the promises broke
And the make-believe ran out...

So Elise
It doesn't matter what you say
I just can't stay here every yesterday
Like keep on acting out the same
The way we act out
Every way to smile
Forget
And make-believe we never needed
Any more than this
Any more than this

And every time I try to pick it up
Like falling sand
As fast as I pick it up
It runs away through my clutching hands
But there's nothing else I can really do
There's nothing else I can really do
There's nothing else
I can really do
At all...

That was my emo blog update for the week. I'm limited to one per seven days. 

Also, this is very accurate for me. I'm debating the merits of going

into detail. On the one hand, it will be entertaining as hell. On the other,

well... maybe it's better left undocumented, so I have some scant hope of 

forgetting some of the details in the future. Not that they're all bad, at all.

Just maybe too much for my poor head to process.