GUYS I HAVE A MOUSE IN MY APARTMENT. I saw it on Saturday night and my
first reaction was to freak out, tell everyone I knew and then panic
because the housing office isn't open on Sunday. It was a little sucker,
running out from next to the refrigerator, staring at me malevolently
for what seemed like hours, then scampering back. I immediately threw
out every open food container in my cabinets... and fridge. I realized
it may not have been the most rational reaction ever after my second
trip to the dumpster.
On the way up to my apartment on the last
trip, I saw my next door neighbor sitting on the stairs. Now, I was
suspicious before this because it's a 20 year old boy who lives by
himself... if it's a contest between myself, my right hand neighbor who I
believe is gay and this guy, the natural inclination is to believe that
he's the culprit that invited this demonic creature in the first place.
I was right. I tentatively asked him, "Have you seen mice in your
apartment?"
"Oh, yeah, don't worry about that," he said. "Someone let it get loose when they were feeding their snake.
"......"
"Was it a little one, hangs out in front of the refrigerator?"
" D= "
"Yeah,
I've been trying to catch it. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but
he woke me up one night running over my comforter. But don't worry about
it, he won't hurt you."
Well, I did worry about it. I worried
about it all day and called the office promptly on Monday. They sent
someone over the same day and all I can tell the guy did was leave out a
note that said "Please wait an appropriate amount of time to see if the
pest control treatment worked." Well, what is the right amount of time?
Because it's Wednesday AND I JUST SAW THE LITTLE SUCKER AGAIN.
But
wait, let me tell you about Monday night. I was lying in bed, about to
go to sleep, when I heard a strange noise. I was listening to some music
at the time so I stopped the song and waited. Nothing. I turned the
music back on and there it was again. I stopped the song entirely and
walked to the kitchen, to see, perhaps, if the epitome-of-evil was
running around the kitchen, training for any marathons, making little
roller coaster rides so he could open an amusement park called "Six
Flags Over DANGIT I can't think of any good jokes because I have a
freaking MOUSE in my apartment". Nothing. I went back to bed. This time I
heard some random squeaks and rustling again. I isolated the sound....
IT WAS IN MY AIR VENT.
The next thirty minutes were spent with
all the lights on in the apartment, sitting about four feet away from
the vent and debating whether I should open it to investigate. You know
how, in the horror movie, the dumb person always goes to see the cause
of that strange sound in the attic? I FINALLY understand. It's not like
opening the vent would have done me any good. I wouldn't have seen any
salacious scene that I could have used to blackmail the mouse into
leaving my residence. But all I could think of was whether I should open
the vent so... the mouse could jump on me and eat my face? So tempting,
brain! I still wonder how I managed to talk myself out of it.
I
don't really know what sort of activity went on last night because I was
so tired from not sleeping, from imagining the little rat jihad that
was slowly gaining more and more support ever since news of my use of
chemical warfare has leaked, that I just passed out. It probably helped
that in order to get away from this hellish houseguest I actually went
out and exercised*! Maybe I should let him stay, at least until he
charges up some outrageous phone bill or leaves his crap in the kitchen.
Oh wait. He already does that. Literally.
My
coworker advocates taking matters in my own hands and buying the
strongest poison I can find. I'm partial to the idea, except for the
fact that I kind of want to use this as an excuse to bring some cats up
here to hang out with. I get lonely sometimes, you know? And while mice
are okay at listening, they really suck at giving advice.
Well, advice that doesn't involve jumping on their hosts and eating their freaking faces off.
*Geez
guys, do you realize that it took me three minutes to spell "exercise"?
I tried "excersize" and "exersice" before I gave up and used spell
check.
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