I miss you most in the morning.

 

I miss you most in the morning.
Most every morning, I wake up thinking I could call,
I could come visit, I could come running--
we could relive it.

But when I think of all that we've been through,
going back to you seems such a foolish thing to do.
I hope you know that even if I don't,
I wanted to.

All those words you said at the ending
were pretty revealing and I can't forget them.
All those ways we missed at connecting, despite all our trying,
it always came back to what I couldn't give you.

So when I think of starting up again or trying to be friends,
it seems impossible to do.
That even if we can't, I wanted to.

Who knows why two people perfectly aligned
should ever have to find themselves apart?
I'll never understand my heart.

I miss you most in the morning.
Most every morning, I wake up crying.

 

 

 

Even if I Don't.

Rachael Yamagata

Update.

Well, while it seems like forever since I've updated this, it appears to only have been a month and four days. Could have been worse. Things have been busy and with school starting back up, all I've been doing is working, grading and doing my best not to fall asleep too early in the evening. That hasn't always been successful, as last Monday's 13 hour night's sleep is evidence. But give me credit for trying people.

Today it was easy to stay up til now, because it was Labor Day and I didn't have to work. Also because I took a nap. Went hiking around the Fort Worth Nature Center and I really wanted to see a buffalo (bison? I don't know) but I didn't. I did see a prairie dog, which is not at all the same thing.

Also, notice how terribly brown and dry everything is. Texas has been suffering from the most ridiculous drought ever and basically everything is catching on fire. I was reading about the terrible fires around Austin, and I know that Possum Kingdom had another surge of fires last week and gosh, people. Just stop burning things already. Even little things.

But the weather today was fantastic. It was cool and I think that if it did make it over 90 degrees, it wasn't by much. It's sad that I'm excited by 90 degree weather, but after days and days of 105 and 108, 90 degrees is immeasurably more pleasant.

Also pleasant, my classes this year. I'm not going to get into much detail but I do feel like I will enjoy my second year of teaching. First years are always difficult, and I'm glad I didn't end up with a job over the summer because by the time that last bell rang in May, I felt like a mushy pulp that had just been poured from a blender. It's taken an entire summer of lazing around to get over it and I was still bracing myself that first day, waiting for that one class that I just knew would be the worst.class.ever. So far, I'm still waiting and even though it's only been two weeks, I'm holding out hope that the kids stay the way they've been so far.

My birthday is in a week, too, which I guess can be pleasant or not depending on how you look at it. While the idea of aging isn't terribly fun, at least I'm still under 30. Also, I feel like this year's birthday will be better than last year's, which was celebrated by splurging on pizza, because I was too poor to afford a real splurge. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do like pizza, but not as my sole birthday extravagance. The boyfriend's birthday is the day before mine, so we'll have a weekend of celebrating, and by celebrating, I mean probably watching Bizarre Foods on Netflix and making something yummy for dinner. And having cake. And eating it, too.