Tiiiiired.
Still waiting for my contract.
Ready for the end of school.
Kind of smitten.
Happy that One-Act is still advancing.
Ridiculously behind on grading.
Reading Great Expectations.
Possessing great expectations.
Counting down the days 'til I see the Decemberists! (31)
Going to see opening night of A Chorus Line tomorrow.
Overworked.
Running low on clean laundry.
Running low on quarters.
In love with this song.
Going to sleep.
=]
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Because of that I'm not scared at all.
I can't sleep because I keep hearing my pulse beating in my ear. It's been happening since about 11:00 this morning, and it's only managed to not be a problem when a) I'm listening to music with earphones in or b) when I'm on the phone.
So it's basically been a problem all day.
Especially now.
Because I would like to sleep.
I even tried meditating.
It did not work.
I guess instead, I will write here about stuff. And things. In general. Here we go.
I'm less stressed about the job situation, now that the superintendent said at a district meeting that he didn't expect to have to let any teachers go. But the way he said it was that he didn't expect to have to reduce the work force because the people already leaving would just have their classes absorbed into the current staff. But then that begged the question of who he is counting on already leaving, because technically, since I'm only on a 1-year contract, I'm already leaving. Thinking about that technicality gives me the shivers, and I hate that my brain works out the most haphazard and sometimes irrational way to the worst-case-scenario. I'll find out either next week, or the week after that at the latest. I'm at the point now, though, where... either way, I just want to find out. I'm tired of worrying about it, because there are so many other things to worry about it, and this whole employment situation is taking up more than its fair share. My other neuroses are getting jealous.
I'm having a difficult time adjusting my expectations to reality. It's actually a strange boat to be in... because.. well. I'm a pessimist. But also an optimist? I'm the most positively negative person that I know. I have these quixotic ideas in my head about people, and intents, and actions, and I want everything to be right. I get frustrated when people are unkind or careless or just plain mean. but then I figure that, for the most part, those terrible characteristics are intrinsic in everybody. I think I have a hard time remembering that... most people are not like me, and they're not going to value what I value or abhor what I abhor. But mostly that they're not going to react like I'm going to react, or if they do, it won't be for the same underlying reasons.
I guess I figure that life is a struggle to overcome our inherent weaknesses. Yeah, that's totally it. It sounds good, at least. It's not something that I gave much thought to until I was overseas, but... maybe living in such an unfamiliar situation taught me the value of a little bit of kindness. It was a lesson I preached often to my kindergarteners, if only by simply saying, "Be kind to your friends" after one of them did something mean. And they would inevitably walk over to whoever it was, rub their shoulder, and say, "Sorry."
Speaking of kindness, I was talking to my friend this evening. He had lived in Japan for several years and has been keeping up with the news regarding the nuclear reactors and tsunami and earthquake relief as avidly as I have. And we both agreed that it was a horrible situation. I mean, it would be a horrible situation regardless, but Japanese people are so nice. I visited Osaka and then Tokyo a while later, and even during my brief time there, I was so impressed by how kind everyone was. People always tried to help us. If I or any of my friends stared too long at a subway map, someone would inevitably come up and ask if we needed help. There wasn't any marked avoidance, or surreptitious sidelong glances, even though we were a big group of foreigners speaking in a different language. Most of the places I traveled to were filled with friendly people, but it was that much more noticeable in Japan.
I do wonder when I'll be able to travel again. My feet are getting itchy just thinking about it. Is that the proper phrase for it? Itchy feet? (If it wasn't; it is now. I can do that because I'm an English teacher.) It's been almost a year since I came back from Seoul. I guess I did go to New Orleans in May. And since moving up here, I have been exploring the DFW area pretty enthusiastically. But I miss the excitement of taking trips. Plane reservations, hotel reservations, planning on where to go and how to go, and trying to figure out how to say "Hello" and "Thank you" in a way that isn't unintentionally hilarious.
Don't get me wrong, I want to travel through the U.S., too, where I have the advantage of a car with a navigational system and already-acquired knowledge of how to say "Hello" and "Thank you". But... Italy! Greece! Thailand! Egypt! (Once there's.. you know.. less civil unrest) France! Brazil! South Africa! China! Hell, I'd even go to Canada. But I won't use an exclamation point.
I blame Spring Break. The very words invoke images of sunny, distant places. My sunny, distant place looks like it'll be Carrollton, since I'll be escorting my mom and sister there for some Korean food shopping.
I should probably try to sleep now.
But first!
For your listening enjoyment:
I do love me some Rachael Yamagata.
So it's basically been a problem all day.
Especially now.
Because I would like to sleep.
I even tried meditating.
It did not work.
I guess instead, I will write here about stuff. And things. In general. Here we go.
I'm less stressed about the job situation, now that the superintendent said at a district meeting that he didn't expect to have to let any teachers go. But the way he said it was that he didn't expect to have to reduce the work force because the people already leaving would just have their classes absorbed into the current staff. But then that begged the question of who he is counting on already leaving, because technically, since I'm only on a 1-year contract, I'm already leaving. Thinking about that technicality gives me the shivers, and I hate that my brain works out the most haphazard and sometimes irrational way to the worst-case-scenario. I'll find out either next week, or the week after that at the latest. I'm at the point now, though, where... either way, I just want to find out. I'm tired of worrying about it, because there are so many other things to worry about it, and this whole employment situation is taking up more than its fair share. My other neuroses are getting jealous.
I'm having a difficult time adjusting my expectations to reality. It's actually a strange boat to be in... because.. well. I'm a pessimist. But also an optimist? I'm the most positively negative person that I know. I have these quixotic ideas in my head about people, and intents, and actions, and I want everything to be right. I get frustrated when people are unkind or careless or just plain mean. but then I figure that, for the most part, those terrible characteristics are intrinsic in everybody. I think I have a hard time remembering that... most people are not like me, and they're not going to value what I value or abhor what I abhor. But mostly that they're not going to react like I'm going to react, or if they do, it won't be for the same underlying reasons.
I guess I figure that life is a struggle to overcome our inherent weaknesses. Yeah, that's totally it. It sounds good, at least. It's not something that I gave much thought to until I was overseas, but... maybe living in such an unfamiliar situation taught me the value of a little bit of kindness. It was a lesson I preached often to my kindergarteners, if only by simply saying, "Be kind to your friends" after one of them did something mean. And they would inevitably walk over to whoever it was, rub their shoulder, and say, "Sorry."
Speaking of kindness, I was talking to my friend this evening. He had lived in Japan for several years and has been keeping up with the news regarding the nuclear reactors and tsunami and earthquake relief as avidly as I have. And we both agreed that it was a horrible situation. I mean, it would be a horrible situation regardless, but Japanese people are so nice. I visited Osaka and then Tokyo a while later, and even during my brief time there, I was so impressed by how kind everyone was. People always tried to help us. If I or any of my friends stared too long at a subway map, someone would inevitably come up and ask if we needed help. There wasn't any marked avoidance, or surreptitious sidelong glances, even though we were a big group of foreigners speaking in a different language. Most of the places I traveled to were filled with friendly people, but it was that much more noticeable in Japan.
I do wonder when I'll be able to travel again. My feet are getting itchy just thinking about it. Is that the proper phrase for it? Itchy feet? (If it wasn't; it is now. I can do that because I'm an English teacher.) It's been almost a year since I came back from Seoul. I guess I did go to New Orleans in May. And since moving up here, I have been exploring the DFW area pretty enthusiastically. But I miss the excitement of taking trips. Plane reservations, hotel reservations, planning on where to go and how to go, and trying to figure out how to say "Hello" and "Thank you" in a way that isn't unintentionally hilarious.
Don't get me wrong, I want to travel through the U.S., too, where I have the advantage of a car with a navigational system and already-acquired knowledge of how to say "Hello" and "Thank you". But... Italy! Greece! Thailand! Egypt! (Once there's.. you know.. less civil unrest) France! Brazil! South Africa! China! Hell, I'd even go to Canada. But I won't use an exclamation point.
I blame Spring Break. The very words invoke images of sunny, distant places. My sunny, distant place looks like it'll be Carrollton, since I'll be escorting my mom and sister there for some Korean food shopping.
I should probably try to sleep now.
But first!
For your listening enjoyment:
I do love me some Rachael Yamagata.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
To tell you I'm thinking of you
I'd call you now to tell you I'm thinking of you
But it does me no good when the phone is just blocking my view
And I would sail back to you
And I would sail back to you
And I would come back and admit that it wasn't your fault
But I'm tired and unwilling to be the only one who was wrong
And I would sail back to you
And I would sail back to you
And I would sail back to you
I'll be sailing on your deep blue eyes...
The song is completely unrelated to anything going on in my life EXCEPT for my newly found appreciation for Damien Jurado. Please disregard the video attached to the song, as I'm not sure what it's supposed to be doing. And yes, the song was on the latest episode of House, BUT I think that's more of a signal that I'm supposed to enjoy the music more rather than less. I am not a disdainful nonconformist who hates the masses that appreciate a song after hearing it on a TV show. Now, if it were a book, it would be a different matter.
Life has been exciting lately? If by exciting, I mean stressful. Which I do. I have only recently barely gotten somewhat caught up on the mass of papers awaiting the right side of a red pen* that are piled on my desk at work. I have finished my giant-white-suburban-of-doom driving for two more weeks. Driving through Dallas was not fun. I spent a lot of time hunched over the steering wheel and muttering, "Ohhh, scary. Scary." Especially every time an 18-wheeler came up alongside me. I really hate 18-wheelers. They're just so... wheely. And loud. And gigantic. And scary. Did I mention scary? They're scary.
On the plus side, I didn't hit anything**!
I will admit, however, that I enjoyed driving the suburban simply because it has a working stereo. My own has been non-functional for about 3 weeks now and while I am fairly certain that the problem is an easy fix, I lack the ability to fix it. So I enjoyed hearing something while I drove that was not the sound of the road. Like the dork that I am, I listened to NPR for almost the entire time. They were debating the effects of increasing class sizes on the Diane Rehm show, and talking about how teachers throughout various states are being vilified due to the whole budget crisis. Now I realize that my opinion is directly affected by the fact that... I am a teacher.
Also, I was going to go into alot of detail on this subject, as it's one that is affecting me greatly.
But it will have to wait for another day.
*The write side of a red pen? Tee hee.
**95% sure.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Counting
Spring Break Spring Break Spring Break Spring Break.
Five days five days five days five days.
Five days five days five days five days.
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